I've had this conversation more than once this year with various friends, and I've not been supported in full by any one person, although a couple friends do agree with me on this topic.
The right "one" for me.
To catch you up with where I'm at (this present time), here it is.
I suffered a major letdown 4 months ago and my heart was broken like never before. I was supposed to be getting married this October 15th & honeymooning in Vermont, Boston & Portland, Maine for two weeks! My whole world changed when she bailed on me. It was out of the blue, and it hurt me to my core.
Also, to help you understand, this had been THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. We were together 4 years, and not once did we argue, fuss, fight, or exchange cross words to one another. It was as close to perfect as a relationship could ever be. When it ended, I was devastated.
It took me 6 weeks to finally pick myself up off the ground, pull my head out from my butt, and get on to living again. I had a few good friends talk hard love with me and tell me to get over it and move on, and that embarrassed me enough to do it!
That was also the moment that I decided to live out my lifelong dream & move to the Blue Ridge Mountains.
I figured, if she isn't going give me peace & let me know why she left, then I'm just going to go where I have always experienced true peace - my mountains!
So, getting around to my topic...
I'm in that state of mind right now where I DO NOT want any sort of steady relationship with ANYONE. I mean, I just came out of a 4 year, non-stressful, damn-near perfect relationship!
On top of that, here are 3 really good reasons why I prefer to stay single:
1) I'm not ready to start ALL OVER AGAIN...
2) I honestly do not think another relationship could be THAT awesome again.
3) I'm just NOT in the mood to pursue it right now!
OK. There's where I'm at. I'm pursuing a life of celibacy! I'm avoiding the drama-filled dating scene. My #1 goal for the next few years is to live (virtually) stress-free. And I DO believe this IS POSSIBLE.
But of course I've had at least a dozen people give me the crap, "Oh, don't you worry! God will have the right person for you in no time!"
And my response has been, "I sure hope not! I don't want another one, especially not so soon. I want to REDISCOVER who Mike Driscoll really is, and what Mike Driscoll really wants, before I get in a position to have to discover that same stuff for someone else!"
And from my vantage point, that is going to take me a while!
And then I look at it from a more realistic view point:
"Why would I want to put myself in the middle of a (potentially) dramatic situation?"
"Why would I want to be accountable to anyone but myself right now?"
"I've got too many hobbies that I enjoy pursuing (much more enjoyable than pursuing love...); why pull some innocent woman into being a #4 placeholder?
(ref - #1 = God, #2 = Mikey Jr, #3 = my hobbies, #4 = would-be love interest)
Which brings me to this ipiphany:
In order to have the perfect relationship with me, this criteria would have to be met.
- There could be no arguing - ever.
- We would always agree - about everything.
- We would both enjoy motorcycle riding.
- We would both CELEBRATE and be completely obsessed with FALL!
- We would both enjoy cold weather, and cold weather sports, like skiing & snowboarding.
- We would both CELEBRATE and be completely obsessed with MOUNTAINS!
- We would both DESPISE summer and agree to move away during the hot months to some place like ALASKA.
- We would both agree that kids are a MAJOR pain in the butt, and neither of us would want any. more. ever....and leave it at that.
- We would both be able to live completely spontaneously and fly through life by the seat of our pants. If we decide at last minute to go somewhere, we go! No worrying about family, pets, kids, social networks... Just the two of us and no other variables!
- She would have to put up with and enjoy being pampered, spoiled, loved, and shown complete & extraordinary courtesy & chivalry and accept those things as "normal life for her."
- She would have to LOVE the Biltmore Estate and be willing to visit there at least twice per week.
- She would have to love red wine, good food, & healthy living, including regular exercise!
- She would have to love Christ first, before any other thing, & follow Him completely.
These are not all inclusive, but certainly a great start on a theme that I will hold firm as "The Mike Driscoll Standard for An Intimate and Steady Relationship."
Every single one of those attributes mentioned above would have to be met, spot-on, by a woman before I would even consider a steady relationship with her.
So, as you can see and understand, I may live blissfully single and unattached for a really long time!
I mean, how long could it take for my perfect mate to come along?
Luckily, I'm patient enough to wait!
And, why in the world would I ever settle for anything less than MY STANDARD for the best?
I wouldn't, and I shouldn't, and I will not.
But don't fret! I don't plan on living life as a hermit. I would appreciate a little companionship, and I would love to go out and enjoy a fun date! I am interested in sharing coffee, a drink, ice cream, lunch, dinner, a movie, a picnic, a day trip, etc... But nothing else. Unless of course the above listed criteria were all met! Then we'd have a bit more to talk about!
Otherwise, good friendship is all I want or need.
Who's up for some great friendship?
Respond & share your thoughts with me!
The right "one" for me.
To catch you up with where I'm at (this present time), here it is.
I suffered a major letdown 4 months ago and my heart was broken like never before. I was supposed to be getting married this October 15th & honeymooning in Vermont, Boston & Portland, Maine for two weeks! My whole world changed when she bailed on me. It was out of the blue, and it hurt me to my core.
Also, to help you understand, this had been THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. We were together 4 years, and not once did we argue, fuss, fight, or exchange cross words to one another. It was as close to perfect as a relationship could ever be. When it ended, I was devastated.
It took me 6 weeks to finally pick myself up off the ground, pull my head out from my butt, and get on to living again. I had a few good friends talk hard love with me and tell me to get over it and move on, and that embarrassed me enough to do it!
That was also the moment that I decided to live out my lifelong dream & move to the Blue Ridge Mountains.
I figured, if she isn't going give me peace & let me know why she left, then I'm just going to go where I have always experienced true peace - my mountains!
So, getting around to my topic...
I'm in that state of mind right now where I DO NOT want any sort of steady relationship with ANYONE. I mean, I just came out of a 4 year, non-stressful, damn-near perfect relationship!
On top of that, here are 3 really good reasons why I prefer to stay single:
1) I'm not ready to start ALL OVER AGAIN...
2) I honestly do not think another relationship could be THAT awesome again.
3) I'm just NOT in the mood to pursue it right now!
OK. There's where I'm at. I'm pursuing a life of celibacy! I'm avoiding the drama-filled dating scene. My #1 goal for the next few years is to live (virtually) stress-free. And I DO believe this IS POSSIBLE.
But of course I've had at least a dozen people give me the crap, "Oh, don't you worry! God will have the right person for you in no time!"
And my response has been, "I sure hope not! I don't want another one, especially not so soon. I want to REDISCOVER who Mike Driscoll really is, and what Mike Driscoll really wants, before I get in a position to have to discover that same stuff for someone else!"
And from my vantage point, that is going to take me a while!
And then I look at it from a more realistic view point:
"Why would I want to put myself in the middle of a (potentially) dramatic situation?"
"Why would I want to be accountable to anyone but myself right now?"
"I've got too many hobbies that I enjoy pursuing (much more enjoyable than pursuing love...); why pull some innocent woman into being a #4 placeholder?
(ref - #1 = God, #2 = Mikey Jr, #3 = my hobbies, #4 = would-be love interest)
Which brings me to this ipiphany:
In order to have the perfect relationship with me, this criteria would have to be met.
- There could be no arguing - ever.
- We would always agree - about everything.
- We would both enjoy motorcycle riding.
- We would both CELEBRATE and be completely obsessed with FALL!
- We would both enjoy cold weather, and cold weather sports, like skiing & snowboarding.
- We would both CELEBRATE and be completely obsessed with MOUNTAINS!
- We would both DESPISE summer and agree to move away during the hot months to some place like ALASKA.
- We would both agree that kids are a MAJOR pain in the butt, and neither of us would want any. more. ever....and leave it at that.
- We would both be able to live completely spontaneously and fly through life by the seat of our pants. If we decide at last minute to go somewhere, we go! No worrying about family, pets, kids, social networks... Just the two of us and no other variables!
- She would have to put up with and enjoy being pampered, spoiled, loved, and shown complete & extraordinary courtesy & chivalry and accept those things as "normal life for her."
- She would have to LOVE the Biltmore Estate and be willing to visit there at least twice per week.
- She would have to love red wine, good food, & healthy living, including regular exercise!
- She would have to love Christ first, before any other thing, & follow Him completely.
These are not all inclusive, but certainly a great start on a theme that I will hold firm as "The Mike Driscoll Standard for An Intimate and Steady Relationship."
Every single one of those attributes mentioned above would have to be met, spot-on, by a woman before I would even consider a steady relationship with her.
So, as you can see and understand, I may live blissfully single and unattached for a really long time!
I mean, how long could it take for my perfect mate to come along?
Luckily, I'm patient enough to wait!
And, why in the world would I ever settle for anything less than MY STANDARD for the best?
I wouldn't, and I shouldn't, and I will not.
But don't fret! I don't plan on living life as a hermit. I would appreciate a little companionship, and I would love to go out and enjoy a fun date! I am interested in sharing coffee, a drink, ice cream, lunch, dinner, a movie, a picnic, a day trip, etc... But nothing else. Unless of course the above listed criteria were all met! Then we'd have a bit more to talk about!
Otherwise, good friendship is all I want or need.
Who's up for some great friendship?
Respond & share your thoughts with me!
Wow! I could not of said it any better than this. Its almost like you know me. In time, God will bring you to His pick for you. When we step back and let go, that's when we can receive true blessings from above. I hate that you suffered a major blow from your past experience in life and love, however, that doesn't define our present and future. You have your priorities in line and taking time for you is not being selfish, its being smart. I enjoyed reading your blog and want to thank you for posting. It spoke to me and renewed some inner feelings and thoughts for me as well. Enjoy life and the little things that so many fail to notice. Its those very things that can hold us back from becoming what we need to be and want to be. So, my new friend... Peace, smiles and love will find you. ... "And I think to myself, what a wonderful world". Angie
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that someone appreciated those words, especially a woman! I figure, what better way to filter out the "wrong friends" than by going ahead and making certain criteria public! Since I've become single, I've had at least a dozen women say how much they like gentlemen and "nice guys," but none of them wind up making the cut. Nice guys finish last, in my opinion, so why even bother to enter the race?
ReplyDeleteI'll save myself the stress and watch from my beautiful mountain perch!